What % of Your Heart is Open for Love?

“No bird can fly without opening its wings,

And no one can love

Without exposing their heart” (Mark Nepo)


When we fall in love, we leave feelings of aloneness behind as we merge together like two pieces of a puzzle into a place of belonging. This state of oneness or merging draws us out of our usual protective shells where we mask our doubts and fears and we open our hearts... Conditioning around certain rules,’shoulds and ‘oughts’ are momentarily set aside. As we set aside old beliefs, we are less judgmental, less critical and more inclusive of differences.

Do you remember how it felt? If it has ever happened to you at any time with anybody the imprint is there.  You can if you stop to reflect, bring it up to feel its power again. 

A thirteenth century mystic spoke of the two wines of life: the white wine of joy and the red wine of suffering. “Until we have drunk deeply of both, we have not lived fully.” (Magdeburg, translated, 1998) 

Falling in love then, is an experience of drinking the white wine.  What is so incredible about it and often overlooked is our willingness and courage, to open our hearts to glimpse at what is possible and set aside our usual way of looking at things. It is a space whereby we break free from the stagnant, the safe and settled.

Too soon, we start having difficulty staying in our non-judgmental state. The intensity of the white wine is too rarefied; too heady a trip and most of us are ill prepared for the journey... At this point we tend to back up a little or a lot, create some distance as we start to see the real person. The tendency is to be disappointed with our lover and become acutely aware of differences and flaws. The feeling of ‘we two are one’ becomes again two separate people. 

There will be days when it is difficult to remember to be kind, and it is harder to love. There will be times when our loved one lets us down, because of his needs and will betray us at times to be faithful to himself.  He will close up just when we desperately want him to be open, and really listen. He will look away in self-protection when we want his undivided attention. 

At this threshold of disappointment, we may experience the red wine of suffering as our ability to truly love is tested. It is also a time of opportunity for a deeper love to blossom. Just like a tender herb, love is an evolving process. With the herb we have to gently plant it, sun it, and water it. So too, our love in order to grow and blossom, needs attention and patience every day much like the herb that we want to flourish and grace our tables.

The quality of our loving like everything else in our life depends on who we believe we are and our belief regarding our level of worthiness. The degree of love we have for ourselves is the litmus test for who we bring into our lives and if he or she is capable of a full and loving relationship.

For those who are not falling in love at this time there are ways of recapturing the beauty, warmth and promise that expands our usual limiting ways of looking at things, thus preparing us to have love in our lives from many sources. 

You have experienced this loving, expansive energy before!


The energy of merging is much like earlier, slower energy where we live before the age of reason. At that time we lived in the slower Delta or Theta energy and absorbed everything around us, accepting all. This is an opening expanding energy that we can recapture. It may or may not have the heady intensity that accompanies the initial stages of falling in love but the expansion prepares us to be more loving with self and others.

Breath-work and meditation practiced on a regular basis provides us with the gift of this energy.  It allows space for acceptance of our uniqueness, and with the accepting of self, comes love of self.

Our level of love for self in turn makes it more likely to bring into our lives; a person to love and who will love us .Remember water seeks its own level. We can only bring into our lives that for which we are prepared, or that which we believe at a deep level we deserve.

Our Heart’s Capacity:

We use only five to ten percent of our heart’s capacity to love and feel kindness. Instead of boxing in our hearts we must try to slowly expand that box till we’re able to love all humanity.

—Nawang Khechog, “Elevated Music”


Laura’s “Overcome Obstacles and Have an Incredible Life“ offers boundless guidance, addresses doubts, fears and uncertainties that  may be keeping you stuck. Do you wonder if you have missed your chance for love and to be happy? You have not!  Read or hear more at laurabyoung.com.